Next stop, Wonderland.

What we have is a promise. A wonderful promise of eternal bliss in Heaven. A promise from God that even though we say goodbye to our loved ones in this world, we will meet again soon in a much better world, so much better that we with our finite minds cannot begin to comprehend.

So this is not really goodbye. We cry and we mourn, but we know this is not goodbye.

I will see you again, A.

don't worry. I am ok. thank you.

It has taken me the longest time to come up with this post.

A, a very good friend of BB's and mine, was admitted into the Intensive Care Unit of Queen Mary Hospital on Tuesday due to a brain haemorrhage. The bleeding took place near the brain stem so no surgery could be performed. He went into a coma soon after he was rushed to the hospital. So the last week has seen his family and friends crying, praying and going on a collective emotional roller coaster ride.

Now, after much struggling and false alarms, A has been moved out of the ICU and into the general ward. He is still in a coma, his brain stem having been damaged to a large extent. He is sustained by a life-support machine, and things are not likely to improve in the future, according to the doctors.

Sorry for the seemingly matter-of-factly account of this event. There was so much I wanted to tell you, but all words failed me.

Give me some time - to digest the whole thing, to let reality sink in. Right now a part of me seems to think that maybe this was all just a terrible nightmare, and that I would wake up eventually and everything would be fine.

If you belive in God, please pray for my friend A, his wife C (who is also a very good friend of ours) and both A and C's family. They have been surprisingly strong so far, but they need every support and prayer we can offer.

In the past seven days, I have seen the glory of God, the power of prayers, and the strength of friendship and family love. I will tell you all about it, but maybe later. Let us just focus on today. Every day is a gift from God.

Right now I am still numb from the suddenness of it all. Thank you to all of you who read my previous post and wondered if I was ok. I am. The fact that I can breathe on my own and move my arms and type this post makes me almost the luckiest person on earth. How could I never realise that.

The longest three days

I cannot begin to describe the emotions I have gone through over the past three days.

I shall disappear in the coming few days.

But I won't be gone for long. I will be back, with a new heart, new friendships, new attitude and new confidence, and hopefully some great news.

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I believe in Jesus, I believe He is the Son of God,
I believe He died and rose again,
I believe He came for us all.
And I believe He is here now,
Standing in our midst;
Here with the power to heal now,
And the grace to forgive.

(From "I Believe In Jesus", Marc Nelson ©1987 Mercy / Vineyard Publishing)

My new toy

I got a surprise present from BB the other night. It was a slim and cool Nokia 6300 mobile phone. My old phone was close enough to be declared a museum exhibit, and although I had been toying with the idea of getting a new phone, I never got around to actually buying one. Partly because I quite like my old phone - it is a very old model, but it works well for someone who only uses a phone for calling and receiving calls; partly because I dread all the hassle in switching phones, you know, the profile setting, the contact list updating, etc.

Having said that, I was still pleasantly surprised to find the little retangular box on the bed covered by the duvet. The last thing you expect to see on your bed when you jump into it is a new mobile phone right?

For a person who hates surprises, BB has pulled it off perfectly this time.

想說。

雖然我極笨，雖然我記性極差，但有些大是大非的事情，不難明白，你想忘記也忘不了。“屠城”也好，“血腥鎮壓”也好，“春夏之間的一場風波”也好，都是形容詞罷了。我經歷過的，我眼看見的，我很清楚是什麽，不容你亦容不下你去告訴我。

在那火紅火熱的期間，我曾經買過一本記錄相集（應該是明報出版的吧，都忘了），我一邊看，一邊流眼淚。幾年前搬家，從床下底翻出這書。幾經掙扎，最後決定把它丟掉。既然有些東西你永遠都不能忘記，也用不着這些物證吧，我當時想。

現在很後悔。我恨不得一手把這書車去馬先生的臉。

Photos!

I have created a link to my Flickr photos here! Check out the side bar on your right.

嘆十聲。

回來了。除了因爲見到貓咪比較開心之外，勁失落。十二小時之前還跟伯伯在河邊吃牛角包喝咖啡，然後再在湖邊拖手漫步（嘩好浪漫呀!）（其實不是太浪漫，真的，如果你們聽到我們的對白 -“嘩，湖底果舊咩嚟傢？”“大笨，死老鼠呀！”)，一眨眼便已經在家執行李洗衫幫貓梳毛吸塵上網check公司電郵。

Life is back to where it should be now. *sigh*

Already planning the next trip. However, I just checked my annual leave entitlement for this year, and (shock and horror!) I have SIX days left. Super depressing.

More meat?

For a person who doesn't eat beef, who won't naturally choose pork on a menu, and who loves potatoes but knows that they add pounds on you, eating in Switzerland can be very challenging...

There are very few fish or chicken dishes in Switzerland (or at least in German Switzerland), whether in posh restaurants, bistros, pizzerias, or simply open market food stalls. Beef and pork are the most common types of meat eaten here. And the Swiss like their potatoes. I suspect a vegetarian has little chance of survival here.

Having said that, I still managed to fill my stomach full almost every meal, partly thanks to the hospitality of our friend G who took us to really nice restaurants, and partly due to my curiosity to try Switzerland's bratwurst, local ice-creams, cheese sandwiches and yoghurts.

Must only eat carrot sticks tomorrow.

瑞士 - 大貓。十字架。極倦的人。

今天太累，所以只留在酒店附近闖蕩。去了Lowendenkmal。早上遊人不多，我站在園裏看着這垂死獅子的石刻，有點傷感。Mark Twain形容這石雕為“the saddest and most moving piece of rock in the world”，果真有點道理。

然後去Museggmauer。走在城橋上，陽光的溫暖恰當的落在身上，迎面吹來清涼的風。遠望Lake Lucerne和雪山，近看高矮有序的歐陸式房子，或疏或密的散佈在古城裏。

踏入十一點。首先我聽到左邊不遠處的教堂鐘聲，齊整規律的噹噹聲，莊嚴平和。然後在我右邊遠處又傳來另一輪的教堂鐘聲，數秒後又有另一間教堂的鐘聲響起。在這短短的兩分鐘内，我被遠遠近近七`八間教堂的鐘聲包圍着。那種奇妙的感覺，現在我知道，叫做心靈洗滌。

-----

伯伯的conference今天完結。今晚會吃餐好的 - 已於朋友介紹，全Lucerne最好味最地道的餐廳訂了位子。

明天開始，我跟伯伯齊齊上路。

The architecture of happiness

I am so glad I brought Alain de Botton's book with me on this trip.

While I was walking up and down the towns of St Gallen, Zurich, Bellinzona, Locarno and Basel, admiring their architectures of churches, town halls, museums or just simply some random residential buildings (the vibrant colours in Locarno! the warm wooden houses in St Gallen!), this passage found its way into my head - "So eloquent are materials and colours, then, that a facade can be made to speak of how a country should be ruled and which principles ought to govern its foreign policy. Political and ethical ideas can be written into window frames and door handles. An abstract glass box on a stone plinth can deliver a paean to tranquillity and civilisation."

In Kunstmuseum this afternoon, upon seeing a painting or two that touched me, a sudden sense of void and sadness overcame me. On my train journey back to the hotel, I read this: "Our sadness won't be of the searing kind but more like a blend of joy and melancholy: joy at the perfection we see before us, melancholy at an awareness of how seldom we are sufficiently blessed to encounter anything of its kind. The flawless object throws into perspective the mediocrity that surrounds it. We are reminded of the way we would wish things always to be and of how incomplete our lives remain."

And then some more: "While a common reaction to seeing a thing of beauty is to want to buy it, our real desire may be not so much to own what we find beautiful as to lay permanent claim to the inner qualities it embodies...Endeavouring to purchase something we think beautiful may in fact be the most unimaginative way of dealing with the longing it excites in us, just as trying to sleep with someone may be the bluntest response to a feeling of love."

This is a perfect alternative travel guidebook.

瑞士 - 這個下午，我的心蕩漾在巴塞爾

（今天行完美術館，人都優雅一點。）

-----------

Basel的文化氣息很濃，尤其是在古城那邊。我慕着
Kunstmuseum的名而來。果然不負所望，在這裡我度過了極悠然的一個下午。除了有一班中學生由老師帶領來參觀之外，其他遊人，除我以外，不出十人。所以很多時候，我可以在一個人獨自在展館内，自己的呼吸聲，每行一步的回音，都清楚得有點難以面對。

在這麽寧靜的環境下，看着眼前各幅珍品，與各藝術大師作跨時空交流。喜歡逛美術館。每間美術館，每件作品，都會隨著不同的時空和心情，帶給我大大小小不同的震撼（impact）。對着十六七世紀的寫實畫，尤其是人像或有故事性的畫，我的心會不期然的寒起來，毛管也會竪起，覺得這些畫中人像要跑出來跟我説話，又或是那些故事將會在我眼前重演一次。看見梵高的畫，我的心會隱隱的抽搐，像感受到他下筆時那股氣勢，厚厚的油彩蓋滿帆布的那種狠勁。有時我會莫名其妙的傷感起來。一些畫我以前覺得不甚了了，現在再看，卻明白只是當時年紀少。相反，一些我以前很喜歡的畫家，現在已不能再感動我了。當然，最愛的，永遠都不會變（可惜今天看不到他的作品）。

喜歡去美術館，因爲每次都有不同的驚喜。

--------------

同場加映Kunsthalle。完全是無心之失 -- 一心想去Kunstmuseum。但大笨如我，一看到街上的指示說“Kuns-”，都未看完整隻字，便馬上跑去找。一進舘，已覺不妥。Kunsthalle地方很細，全年展覽不同的當代藝術者的作品（有點像Fringe Club）。不幸地，今期的展覽我個人覺得非常普通，可能人老了，對這些太現代的藝術表現方法開始失去興趣吧（我曾經非常喜歡這些所謂當代藝術）。前後不到10分鐘我已看完（包括隔壁的超小型建築博物館）。難爲我之前花了２０分鐘找這地方，還要奉獻整整10法郎入場費！！有點羊牯feel（無法子，是自己自動獻身撲入虎口）。

--------------

孭着背囊走了好幾天路，弄得我腰痠背痛。現在最惦念的，竟然不是我的貓咪，而是我的按摩師傅Ada。

瑞士 - take 2 - 一個人在途上

昨天去了南部Bellinzona跟Locarno。因爲靠近意大利，所以這兩處地方都充滿意色風情，從天氣（嘩，熱到吖）到建築到街名到氣氛。我差點以爲我越過了邊界。（真的想過不如再去遠一點，到米蘭shopping，但好像有點那個。）

非常喜歡Bellinzona。那裏有很多城堡。到了最古舊最impressive的Castelgrande。走到城堡上，有廣場，有大片草地，有孩子在追逐遊玩，有人在放狗。如果不是要趕火車，我真的想就在草地上睡個覺，或看看書。放假不就應該是這樣子嗎?

昨天總共坐了7小時來回火車。挺喜歡一個人在途上的感覺，尤其是在語言不通（但又安全發達又有清晰完善交通運輸）的國家。坐在車廂裏，由於聼不明白其他乘客在說什麽，就自然不會分心（我是很八卦的人），能集中精神看風景，看書，或發白日夢。

一個人旅遊的唯一缺點，就是不能在餐廳吃頓好的。我很怕一個人坐在餐廳吃飯，總是覺得很可憐很孤獨般。在快餐店看到人們一個人吃飯，對面坐着不認識的人，我很替他們難過。我知道可能他們大抵覺得完全沒問題（我跟很多朋友談過，其實大部分都覺得沒問題）（我知，我多愁善感吖嘛），但要我做，真的不行。所以一個人旅遊，我通常只吃外賣，三文治yoghurt果汁熱狗等等。看見其他遊客大魚大肉，幾慘（我，不是其他遊客）。

昨天走了很多路坐了很多車，很累。今天簡簡單單，到Basel去。

瑞士 - take 1.1

結果Zurich跟Winterthur都去了。兩個都是大城市，沒什麽驚喜，純粹到此一遊。 （本來這兩處地方可以好好玩-我的原定計劃是逛美術館呀博物館呀等等，但我忘了它們都在星期一休館，所以只好從文化日變成shopping日。）（我知，我好笨吖嘛。）

行了一整天，腳都軟埋。買的東西全都是家庭用品 -- 砧板呀（係，係砧板。邊個話在瑞士不能買砧板？），table runner呀，咖啡杯呀，wine pourer呀，等等。如果不是嫌太重，我差點想買埋那個raclette maker添（不要問我無啦啦怎會在家整raclette...買了就自然會用的啦）！

明天向南部Locarno出發。

瑞士 - take 1

在Lucerne兩天，已經感到這裡的calming effects。街上少一點車，行人走路慢一點，再加上一個可能比維港還大的Lake Lucerne（還不怕填海！），這一切在告訴我，未來7天我的心會很平和。

過去兩天跟伯伯的一位同事G見面。她被公司委派到Zurich工作兩年，兩星期前才到，所以她比我們熟悉瑞士多一點點，但又可以用遊客心態和我們一起遊山玩水。

昨天G跟我們去了St. Gallen。那裏比Lucerne還要小鎮。看了教堂，看了石頭，看了古代圖書館。吃了Wiener schnitzel，吃了rösti，吃了無限的朱古力（這裡真的是a chocolate country！每十步就有一間chocolate shop！）。

坐火車從St. Gallen回到Lucerne途中，沿途看見很多歷史悠久但保養得宜的建築（有的是教堂，cityhall等的公共建築，更多的只是平民住宅)。看見雪山山脈。看見大大小小的湖泊。看見大片青草地。看見牛羊馬貓狗在吃草奔跑睡覺瘙癢。然後發現，這麽多人喜歡瑞士或者歐洲等地方，可能就是被那種‘不變’所感動。雪山，湖泊，大草原，老樹，建築。你隱隱感受到永恒的意義，然後你的心也好像落實了一點點。好像有些你一直渴望但掌握不住的東西終究都穩住在你掌心中，然後事情都變得理所當然了。香港人，感受可能特別深。

現在早上9.30am。伯伯已經去了training，我則準備坐火車去Zurich或Winterthur。 一切都很flexible，往哪裏純粹看自己的心情（和當天天氣)怎樣。 這樣的旅行很寫意。

（噢我們到達第一天還在下雨，昨天已開始放晴！今天雖然天有點灰，但沒有雨啊！好嘢！要快點出發。）

未出發 先興奮

還有10小時，我便會坐在飛機上，向着一個我從未到過的地方--瑞士--出發。（咁大個女都沒見過咁多瑞士人，好緊張！）（我係咁低能傢啦咩唧。）

我跟伯伯會在瑞士中部的Lucerne逗留9天。伯伯在那裏training（還要做presentation！），我則負責吃喝玩樂環節。（據説瑞士葡萄酒是那兒的best kept secret!)

唯一暗湧，就是天氣。CNN報告說未來幾天都是介乎下雨和下狂風大雨之間，幾驚！

電腦會跟身，有時間的話，會在他方直擊報道。

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I have decided that my 9 days in Lucerne (and neighbouring cities) will involve primarily food and...er, just food. Of course I will participate in the usual touristy activities, mountain hiking, museum visits, etc., but food would be the theme of this trip. I have done extensive research on the different chocolate shops, local Swiss restaurants, patisseries and wine shops. I already have this image in my head that I am sitting in a local cafe by the window, sipping my coffee, reading my book, and watching people pass by on the street outside the cafe. (Of course my mental image does not take into account of the fact that it will likely rain the whole time during our stay, but let's deal with that later). How cool is that!

I will bring my computer with me (sad I know, but I am a hard working responsible employee who is worth every dollar the company pays me) so I may write a piece or two while I am away (may even include pictures!).

。

驚喜是，好久沒見的朋友致電，跟我say hello。 上一次跟他見面已是5個月前了。

以往，大多是我主動跟我的朋友聯繋。或給他們發個電郵，或給他們撥個電話，總之我會make an effort to keep in touch。

結了婚後，有了新的家庭，新的責任，時間好像少了，生活好像忙碌了（雖然更似無事忙）。花在朋友上的時間和心思也好像相對少了。

非我所願矣。

給我一點時間，讓我習慣了這新生活後，我會把妻子/朋友這兩個角色平衡得更好的。

選擇題。

如果你公司要請人，但你知道這空缺是個很“辣”的位 -- 人工非常可觀，但工作時間長，壓力也當然不少，短期内更要一個頂幾個，直到聘請到足夠的人...那你還會不會告訴你的朋友關於這空缺？

我會。我未必會大力推介，但我會將我對這份空缺所知的一切（好的壞的）統統告訴我朋友，然後由他們自己決定，應否申請這份工。我不是他們，不可以因爲我覺得這份工可能很爛，便剝削他們知道的權利。我覺得的差，別人可能會喜歡呢。可能他們已經很不滿意現在的工作崗位，很想跳槽呢。總之我覺得應該給他們一個機會，去自己決定怎樣做。Informed decisions, it's all about。

伯伯的意見呢，跟我剛好相反。他說他不會對他朋友說，因他明知這份工可能不好做，不想連累別人。“我要保護他們唷”伯伯說。

沒有誰對誰錯，只是我們每個人看待每件事的方法也不同。昨天晚上，我對伯伯的了解又增加了一點點。

夫妻相處之道喲。

祂在對我説話

自從當我發現，一個我認定是朋友的人，原來這麽多年來一直在我背後說我的壞話，我便一直耿耿於懷。一來怪自己笨（唉），怎麽會這些年來，給人良心當狗肺，自己還傻吓傻吓；二來覺得很委屈，因她說我的壞話，都是誇張失實的（也就是壞話的定義吧）。

終於，昨天晚上，我心血來潮，決定今天在這裡發洩一下，好讓大家見識一下大口八婆的犀利。(我呀，好記仇的，你們不要得罪我呀，記住你一世呀。）

然後，今天早上，坐車途中，聼着download在IPod的sermon，聽到這番話--

"If we can take the onslaught of attack, and still have a committment to minister to people, it shows that we are freed from those opinions. People will talk trash about you. People will misunderstand your motives. People will not respect you as they should. People will always disappoint you, christians and non-christians alike. And then you have to make a choice. What do you do with that disappointment?...We see David who was so rooted in his faith, that regardless of the onslaught he felt...he had a committment to God, that oversaw all of that. He had a committment to God that still called him to be ministry-minded, to minister to those that on a horizontal plane did not deserve his ministry, to encourage those who did not encourage him, to love those who were unloveable. That is only possible with a heart that is focused on God... It's 'loving inspite of' that brings such glory to God."

因此，我原本想寫的，寫不了。你原本要看的，看不見。

In anticipation

"If we are inclined to forget how much there is in the world besides that which we anticipate, then works of art are perhaps a little to blame, for in them we find the same process of simplification or selection at work as in the imagination. Artistic accounts involve severe abbreviations of what reality will force upon us. A travel book may tell us, for example, that a narrator journeyed through the afternoon to reach the hill town of X and, after a night in its medieval monastery, awoke to a misty dawn. But we never simply journey through an afternoon. We sit in a train. Lunch digests awkwardly within us. The seat cloth is grey. We look out of the window at a field. We look back inside. A drum of anxieties revolves in consciousness...It starts to rain. A drop wends a muddy path down the dust-coated window. We wonder where the ticket might be...It continues to rain. At last the train starts to move...A fly lands on the window. And still we might only have reached the end of the first minute of a comprehensive account of the events lurking within the deceptive sentence 'he journeyed through the afternoon'."

--- The Art of Travel by Alain de Botton

For the past 90 minutes, I was googling about Lucerne, a place in Central Switzerland where I will be flying to in 72 hours and staying for 9 days. I read about all the tourists spots and all the where-to's and what-to's and must-do's. As "Exploring Lucerne - tourists' tips #149" appeared on my computer screen, the above words by Mr de Botton hit me.