You know you are getting old...

...when you (almost) forgot your own birthday.

I was aware that August is coming, but it didn't occur to me that my birthday is around the corner too until my first birthday present this year arrived in the mail from my future mom-in-law (aka BBM). That's so sweet of her.

It seems that after hitting the big three Oh, birthdays are irrevalent. There is no excitement and expectation revolving around that day anymore, and your birthday wish has changed from "get a boyfriend", "get a better boyfriend!", "lose 10 pounds", "lose that extra 5.5 pounds!" to "good health" and "happiness". And you thought only 50-year-olds would wish for good health and happiness.

BB will be working late on my birthday so I plan to spend my evening curling up on my sofa (probably with my cat beside me), watch Frasier and eat a tub of Movenpick ice-cream. That would be quite cool.

Even crisps and Movenpick ice-creams cannot cheer me up...

I hate Sunday nights. They remind me of how the weekends fly by so quickly, and how I do not want to wake up early the next day and get to work.

It's been a productive weekend though. On Saturday we met up with my parents for dim sum, BB had his refresher driving lesson , and then we had dinner with Apple Juice (eating with good friends is one of the greatest pleasures). Today BB and I sorted out the kitchen design of our new house and paid a deposit (which marked the beginning of the "spending money like water" period).

Today at church, the topic of the sermon is "making the most of the time". Perhaps I should stop whinging and just be glad that I spent the weekend productively, and pray that I will learn to make the most of my time both at work and in life. After all, when you only have 14 weekends to sort out a wedding and a house renovation, nothing but good time management will save you.

A spotless mind

In what I consider the most romantic movie of all times, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Joel and Clementine undergo a procedure to erase each other from their memories. As the movie unfolds, Joel realises he does not really want to erase his memories about Clementine and that he still loves her, and so he tries to smuggle her back into his memory.

If you had a choice, would you erase anything from your memory? A failed relationship, a terrible mistake you made, or times of heartbreak and sorrow?

Some people say that in order to be happy, you have to forget the (not-so-happy) past and move on. I do not agree. I cherish the happy memories, and I embrace all the hearbreaking moments, the pain I felt and all the mistakes I made and foolish (borderline crazy) things I did in the past, for without them I would not become what I am today. For better or for worse, these memories are part of me.

I only live one life, a life given to me by God. I would not want to erase anything from it. Well, maybe a few inches from my waist. THAT I do want to erase.

Newsflash

On my way to work this morning, I had figured out what I would write today; I even had a mental draft in my head with all the paragraphs sorted and a funny title.

When I came into the office, my boss told me that she had handed in her resignation letter. She is the only other westernised person in the entire Hong Kong office. We share similar wavelength and professionalism, and although she is not a perfect boss (she has temper issues), I have so far enjoyed working with her.

So imagine my shock when she said she's quitting. Worse still, she said after she's gone, I will probably inherit all her files. That means I will have to deal with all the top-level politics which she is shielding me from at the moment. That means I will be handling two people's workload on a one-person income (no promotion or salary increase!). That also means that I will have to report to my boss' boss, a cocky Chinese guy who thinks he knows everything and never listens to lawyers.

I am dead meat.

謀殺案

真的很愛小動物，尤其是貓咪，所以每次看到虐待動物的新聞都會很心痛，真的是個心在“拿”住“拿”住的痛。

看到這個，心又難過起來。

近來很多關於虐待動物的報道，應是好事（因代表社會開始對動物權益關注，才會花篇幅報道），但每次看到有小動物被遺棄或虐待，也會很傷心，很憤怒。

如果我是神，我一定把這些衰人踢落地獄，讓他們永遠受苦，還有最好"an eye for an eye",那些扭斷小貓腳的，他的腳就要每天被扭斷，那些踢小貓的，便每天被踢，沒完每了，永不停止。

嘩，好彩我不是神，要不然世界就完蛋了。

Spoiled rotten

Today is so hot it gives me a massive headache. This is the pain of having a job which requires business day trips. Travelling to and from China on the same day in such hot weather is no fun at all.

Nothing beats going home (parents' home!) and having a "dinner of love" prepared by Dad (the master chef!). All food was prepared especially for me (steamed fish, steamed egg custard, steamed prawns, and stir fried broccoli and Chinese mushrooms)! It's been a long time since I last had dinner at home with my family. I missed the food so much. And spending time with people whom you are closest with is so enjoyable.

I am spoiled rotten hehe.

小宇宙萬歲

從來也不是一個可以multitask的人--做功課時不能聼音樂，講電話時不能覆電郵，諸如此類。叫得“大笨娜娜”，不是浪得虛名也。

所以，今天覺得自己很厲害，可以在一個早上接聼不同地產經紀的電話，安排看屋子的事情，又要跟印帖公司跟進喜帖的事宜，還可以同時看公司文件（很重要，畢竟公司有出糧給我嘛）。

人的小宇宙，總是在適當時（被迫時）便能發揮出來！

I love you, I love you not

At the sermon this evening, our pastor, when delivering a message on sexuality and the Bible (Proverbs 5:1-23), said "Chinese are culturally reserved with the expression of love".

And how true it that. For all my life, I have tried to say "I love you" to my parents, but somehow I just could not bring my lips to pronounce those three little words. Similarly, my parents have never told me they love me; their expression of love is through actions (e.g. phone calls from mom asking me to wrap up when it's cold, home cooking delivery by dad, etc.).

I have no problem telling BB how much I love him, but when it comes to my mom and dad, it's quite another thing.

Mini Me

Last Saturday my boy (Bak Bak, or BB) and I went to this place for a casual photo shoot session. It was a truly enjoyable experience. During that one hour session, we ran around in the studio, laughed a lot, jumped so much that we were utterly exhausted afterwards, while our talented and friendly photographer took snap shots of us. It was a very fun hour.

Today we went back to the studio to look at the edited photos. I was so shocked - I've never looked so beautiful in my life. Beautiful because the photos really captured the moments - the moments when we were naturally laughing, talking, not when we were consciously posing for pictures.

We are very pleased with the photos, and have chosen some of our better shots which will be processed and framed. I can't wait for them to arrive.

Give us today our daily bread

Read the newspaper this morning about something really disturbing. The headline of the newspaper reads "Restaurant in North Korea sells children's flesh". Some N Koreans who have fled to the US exposed to the world the terrible famine condition in their home country - people are so hungry that they eat their own children ("delicious", said the children-eating parents), restaurant owners, desperate to sell meat dishes, lure street children and then strangled them and make food out of their flesh, passing if off as pork. And it is happening NOW, not during WW2.

It is hard for people like us to imagine what life is like in a famine-stricken country. Living in Hong Kong, we are spoiled for choice. (At the time of writing this I just came back from a lunch buffet). We are so blessed that we often take things for granted.

For some reason this piece of news really strikes me. Perhaps because it is N Korea, a country only a few hours away from Hong Kong, or perhaps because it is children eating, something so gross it's beyond human imagination.

Reading this, it surely puts everything in perspective.

我愛電話

就算天氣再熱，心情再懷，只要與遠方的朋友通一個電話，聼聼他們的聲音，就這麽一兩句，就足以令人快樂起來，能量之大，直逼丸仔。

人大了，越發覺真正朋友買少見少，遇到了，便要努力維繫。好朋友，從來都是苦心經營的。

懶

這陣子很懶，做什麽事也提不起勁。工作時如遊魂，巴不得馬上下班，但下班後其實也沒什麽事做。

自己知道是什麽一回事。是暴風雨的前夕，那種將發生但沒發生的忐忑不安，那種已知但未知的惆悵，就像一塊石頭懸掛在心上，令人透不過氣。

過了11月，應該天朗氣清了吧。

Things that make me smile

My cat (3 months old):



My cat (now):



My Boy's childhood photo:

Will you?

Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown? Will you let my name be known,
will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?

Will you leave yourself behind if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer in you and you in me?

Will you let the blinded see if I but call your name?
Will you set the prisoners free and never be the same?
Will you kiss the leper clean and do such as this unseen,
and admit to what I mean in you and you in me?

Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?
Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around,
through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?

Lord your summons echoes true when you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same.
In Your company I'll go where Your love and footsteps show.
Thus I'll move and live and grow in you and you in me.

"Will You Come and Follow Me"
by John Bell (1949- ) and Graham Maule (1958- )

厚禮

自問不算好人，犯罪頻頻，怎能收此厚禮？

很怕很怕有一天都會統統從我手中拿走。

如果我還沒準備好，可以給我寬限期嗎？

Amazing Grace

Am reading "What Is So Amazing About Grace?" by Philip Yancey (a very renowned Christian journalist and author).

The book is about the grace of God, about forgiveness and why and how we should forgive people. It is a great book in itself, for Philip Yancey is a very gifted writer, and can turn the most abstract and difficult topic into a pleasant walk in the park. But reading this book gives me great discomfort, like I am being hit on the head with a big hammer whenever I read the words "grace", "forgive", "sin", etc.

The book says we should forgive, no matter how difficult it is, because God forgives us. Unconditionally. No strings attached.

Can I do that? Can I forgive that woman, who was supposed to be my good friend, whom I cared about very much, for trying to steal my ex-boyfriend?

I have moved on since then, and now I have a great life, a loving fiance, a circle of close friends. I should be glad that she did what she did, for without her and her actions I would not have come to this stage of my life. But how can I FORGIVE her? Forgive someone who blatantly betrayed me, betrayed my trust and friendship?

I have bumped into her a few times after our big fall-out and every time I saw her, my heart pounded like it's going to explode and my eyes were screaming "where should we look? We don't know where to look!". I always thought I would ONLY act like this when I see Johnny Depp.

That was a couple of years ago. I wonder, if I see her again now, how would I react? Would I act like the same idiot I was two years ago? Most probably.

I do not like hatred and I don't usually harbour one. But when I do, it lingers on for a very long time. Wonder what God would say about that. He will not be proud.

I know I really have to move on. Three years is too long a time.