Centre of the Universe

Since my university years, I have never enjoyed being the centre of attention.

When I was young, I used to get a lot of attention. I went to a very decent girls' school, I was always one of the good students who got good grades and never caused troubles. I was rather popular (at least when compared to the geeky ones) in school and had quite a lot of good friends (most of whom I manage to keep in touch till now, for which I am very proud of myself). I was a member of the English debate team and once I won the best speaker prize. I took part in the drama competition and enjoyed every bit of it.

Until I got into the university. The uni experience was really an eye-opener. In law school, you see all kinds of smart people, REALLY SMART people. Your classmates are from international schools so even though they are also locally born and bred like you, they speak impeccable English. Some are from really really rich families. And did I say they are smart?

The transition from secondary school to university years is a very humbling experience. You discovered that you were nowhere near being the cream of the people. I wasn't frustrated for I am not the competitive type, but since then I had this change within me, the change that tells me I should avoid being in the lime light at all costs, because I am never good enough when compared to some other people. This is not a sense of inferiority, this is just reality.

I write about this because more and more I feel that I am starting to get the attention now. I get asked questions about the wedding preparations, whether I feel nervous, and how they all look forward to seeing "the most beautiful bride", etc. etc. While I do really appreciate the care and concerns and compliments (and yes I also want to be the most beautiful bride, but first I need the stupid zits to leave me alone), sometimes I feel quite uncomfortable addressing these questions and comments, because the conversation would be all about me me me. Most importantly, I worry that the people who ask the questions may only ask them out of courtesy, and are therefore not really interested in what I've got to say, so I tend to keep the conversation brief. As BB said, telling a person who's not getting married anytime soon everything about YOUR wedding preparations may bore the hell out of him/her.

So next time when you ask me how the wedding preparations are going and I respond with a simple "it's ok lah", it's not because it's ok (wedding preparations are never ok, you have all sorts of complications), it's only because I don't want to bore you with the minute details.

But if you really are interested in what flowers I use for the wedding, what are the colors of my evening dresses, what hairstyles I would wear, etc. etc., you can always come to this blog. After all, a bridezilla would not be able to hold her excitement. Thank God for cyberspace.