Amazing Grace

Am reading "What Is So Amazing About Grace?" by Philip Yancey (a very renowned Christian journalist and author).

The book is about the grace of God, about forgiveness and why and how we should forgive people. It is a great book in itself, for Philip Yancey is a very gifted writer, and can turn the most abstract and difficult topic into a pleasant walk in the park. But reading this book gives me great discomfort, like I am being hit on the head with a big hammer whenever I read the words "grace", "forgive", "sin", etc.

The book says we should forgive, no matter how difficult it is, because God forgives us. Unconditionally. No strings attached.

Can I do that? Can I forgive that woman, who was supposed to be my good friend, whom I cared about very much, for trying to steal my ex-boyfriend?

I have moved on since then, and now I have a great life, a loving fiance, a circle of close friends. I should be glad that she did what she did, for without her and her actions I would not have come to this stage of my life. But how can I FORGIVE her? Forgive someone who blatantly betrayed me, betrayed my trust and friendship?

I have bumped into her a few times after our big fall-out and every time I saw her, my heart pounded like it's going to explode and my eyes were screaming "where should we look? We don't know where to look!". I always thought I would ONLY act like this when I see Johnny Depp.

That was a couple of years ago. I wonder, if I see her again now, how would I react? Would I act like the same idiot I was two years ago? Most probably.

I do not like hatred and I don't usually harbour one. But when I do, it lingers on for a very long time. Wonder what God would say about that. He will not be proud.

I know I really have to move on. Three years is too long a time.