不相愛的好處。

於9426.2公里外，你在電話的那一頭說：“我想我現在明白你當時在倫敦生活時那種孤單的感覺。” 之後的那一句，即使你沒有說出來，我都聽懂。

親愛的，其實你並不如你想像中的那麼瞭解我。我在外頭的那些時間，曾是很多東西，但孤單，從來不是。

能與分手了的男人做回朋友，只因不用再無時無刻披起肩甲去捍衛自己的立場想法價值觀。沒有無窮的寄望，沒有無聊的對峙，尋回喘氣的空間，演化成一段有適當距離，恰當關心，和沒有壓力的友誼。剛剛好。

於是，我在電話的這邊說: “嗯，是嗎。”

I am singing this song in my head all day long at work. (Don't worry I can multi-task.)

As we gather my Your Spirit work within us
As we gather may we glorify Your Name
Knowing well that as our hearts begin to worship
We’ll be blessed because we came
We’ll be blessed because we came

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases
His mercies never come to an end
They are new every morning, new every morning
Great is Thy faithfulness oh Lord
Great is Thy faithfulness

And then I found this on Youtube.

">

Random thoughts.

I am so glad I went to see this with Mum on Monday. She enjoyed it tremendously too.

I love mother-daughter bonding time.

-----------------------

Quite a few friends (or their parents or spouses) are encountering various health issues, some more serious than others. While I continue to be vigilant in my prayer for them, it also put everything in perspective. Not that many years ago, I still thought that my parents were invincible and they and I would live forever (or at least for the next 60 years or so).

hmmm.

-----------------------

Am having dinner with Dad tonight. Mum has plans so he is feeling a bit lonely at home.

I love father-daughter bonding time.

Randy Pausch.

If you haven't heard about Randy Pausch or watched any of his on-line lectures (I am watching this), I strongly recommend that you do it now.

He is a truly inspiring person, and extremely funny too.

I am generally a happy bunny and glass-is-always-half-full type of person, but I would kill to be half as optimistic as Randy is. He is amazing.

Some quotes:

"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."

"..when you are pissed off at somebody... you just haven't given them enough time. Just give them a little more time and they will almost always impress you."

"The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something... the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They are there to stop the other people."

After the Storm

After the storm she laid her naked body
down in wet grass, closed her eyes,
the heaviness gone from the air,

from her life. The breath of the earth
warmed her skin, filled her lungs.
One by one the animals reappeared

from the woods, from their hiding places
deep in the woods, to nervously nuzzle
the strange thing, lick a shoulder or thigh.

But still she lay, unmoving and quiet.
And she lay and and she lay for a hundred years,
while the grass grew over her limbs, breasts

and hair, took her body into the earth,
into the deep, sweet earth of the world.

--- by Jonathan Attrill

Revelation.

I am still bittered, after all these years.

I thought I have forgotten, I thought I have forgiven, but reality always bites.

Sigh.

給我的靚仔朋友。係呀，係你呀。

放心，我不會那麽埋没人性地把我們談論的話題放到這裏来，雖然我好想。

但有些事，真的想再清楚說明一下。你嫌我長氣都係咁話。

即是呢…我哋呢…其實年紀唔細架啦，新陳代謝又開始慢，如果學人玩火，燒到自己的話，有排都好唔番呀（重可能毀容！）。

共勉之。

不是一封信。

早幾天，洗衣服時，忽然想起你。Ｃ說你洗恤衫時，要把恤衫仔細的分門別類 --- 淺色的、深色的、條子的、暗花的、格仔的。。。不能混在一起。你是我認識的人當中對洗恤衫最講究的。　

還有你高超的燙衣技巧，燙過的衣服，效果就像洗衣店的專業燙衣一樣。還有你那對整潔秀氣的一雙手，與那十塊大大的，接近完美的，比好些女孩還要漂亮的指甲。還有你的英式幽默、跟伯伯相似的電影口味、你當司儀時那種口才和自信、我們在那陽光燦爛的早上於Phoenix吃的早餐。　

你也令我體會到，生命脆弱得可以，有些重要事情的確刻不容緩。過去一年來，我很積極的帶爸媽返教會。我媽媽比較正面，當我跟她說有關決志受浸的事，她也頗為接受；爸爸則常被我半推半哄下跟我們去。上星期跟他們去家裏附近的比較傳統的教會，他們事後說“D詩歌好似悶咗D囉。”唏，兩老好像小孩一樣。

想起來，真的要謝謝你。將來有機會，我定會把爸媽介紹給你認識。

一晃眼，便一年了。你好嗎？

Selflessness. Courage. Endurance. Unity. Survival.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned in life: It goes on." --- Robert Frost

Life is a Blessing.

Emma, my niece.


Wonder of all wonderment!
Momentous moment when small form
First feels life in itself.
When new eyes open wide
On old, old world.
When tiny hands handle air;
Touch tenderness and love.
When ears first wake to sound
And silent lips find voice and food.
Soon newly wakened baby wearies.
World will keep.
Being born is quite enough
For one short day.
Baby hands rest;
Baby mouth yawns;
Baby eyes close in sleep.

--- Baby's First Day, by Mary Dawson Hughes

Mother-and-Son, Religion 101.

"I don't see why I can't be all three. Mamaji has two passports. He's Indian and French. Why can't I be a Hindu, a Christian and a Muslim?"
"That's different. France and India are nations on earth."
"How many nations are there in the sky?"
She thought for a second. "One. That's the point. One nation, one passport."
"One nation in the sky?"
"Yes. Or none. There's that option too, you know. These are terribly old-fashioned things you've taken to."
"If there's only one nation in the sky, shouldn't all passports be valid for it?"
A clould of uncertainty came over her face.
"Bapu Gandhi said ---"
"Yes, I know what Bapu Gandhi said." She brought a hand to her forehead. She had a weary look, Mother did. "Good grief," she said.

--- From Life of Pi

On Agnosticism.

To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of tansportation.

--- From Life of Pi

With Love from Switzerland.

Standing on Jungfraujoch, surrounded by white, almost all by myself. I felt so overwhelmed, and a little bit scared.

My near-death experience (ok ok I am exaggerating) and my trousers after escaping from the 12-inch deep snow.

Thun - where we stayed for BB's training. The weather was fantastic for a few days and behind the hotel was this magnificant Thunersee Lake. I walked along the lakeshore everyday, marvelling at the lake and the grass and the trees and the clouds and the blue sky. It's heaven on earth.

My virgin "lunch by myself" experience - I have this notion that it is sad to be eating a meal by yourself (a quick coffee at Starbucks is OK; lunch in Cafe de Coral is no; dinner at Spoon is miserable beyond description). However, since BB was in training while I travelled to Emmental, and I was desperate to try out their local restaurant menu containing (what else but) emmental cheese, I had no choice but to find myself telling the waitress "table for one please".

The verdict - it wasn't too bad, as long as you have a book that you can pretend to read. And the cheese and vegetables rosti was yummy but extremely filling (I only managed to finish 1/3 of it).

...?!

這幾天我邊看CNN邊陰陰嘴笑，“嘿全世界都有人示威反對你違反人權唔配主辦奧運啦呢次你重唔瘀爆睇你重夠唔夠膽係咁鎮壓西藏吖喇”。

今天當我上網看公司電郵時，赫然發現，我的老闆有份在法國傳聖火！

Jungfraujoch.

When I was sitting on the seat at Platform 2 of the Thun railway station, my soon-to-be-completely abandoned itinerary was simple enough – I would go to Interlaken, take a quick stroll around the lake, maybe grab a sandwich to eat, then get back on the train and go to another town. Today would be my town-hopping day, the best thing to do to make my 5-day Rail Pass worth its money.

I know Jungfrau lies within the Interlaken region, but I never really thought about going there. For some inexplicable reasons (lack of research obviously), I was under the assumption that you need to have an oxygen mask (wrong) and full ski equipment (wrong) to embark on this freezing (oh yes) journey to climb the 4,158m high mountain, “Top of Europe” as it is dubbed, and my high street outfit (flimsy Zara turtle-neck wool top, worn-out fleece jacket, jeans and sneakers) is neither convincing or appropriate. How wrong was I.

On the train to Interlaken Ost, I consulted with my colorful DK travel guide, and to my surprise discovered that there are rack railway services that take you all the way from Interlaken to Jungfraujock, the icy saddle that lies just below the Jungfrau summit. And after a few railway changes, I found myself standing, still in my Zara top and jeans, 3,454m above sea level, out in the open, surround by a sea of pure dazzling white snow, breathing the very thin air that is left, freezing but overjoyed. Overjoyed because of the unexpectedness of the whole thing; I was genuinely pleasantly surprised.

However, as I was taking pictures with my numb fingers (good), making snowballs (oh so good) and later on accidentally stepping into the 2-feet deep snow and having a hard time pulling myself of the cold and wet (still good), a sense of sadness suddenly rushed to me. I felt incredibly lonely. Moments like this are meant to be shared with your loved ones, and mine happens to be stuck in the conference room back in Thun, three hours away and 3,454 meters below me. The fact that I was all alone on the snow mountain (the only other human being in sight is a staff member, with his working husky) was of little help.

During the past few days, BB and I have been talking about our many “first times” that happened in this trip – those shared moments (very often silly ones) that lovers cherish so much that they put them in a special compartment in their heart the key to which belong to the other person, and that many years after they can easily recall, reminisce and laugh about them. Today could have easily found its way straight to that special compartment, if only BB were with me.

Standing at the Top of Europe with my snowball, I missed BB I have never missed him before.

South to North.

BB and I are going to Switzerland this Friday. He is attending a training programme in Thun, and being such a good wife, of course I would tag along to *ahem* make sure he is well taken care of during his stay, thank you very much.

Too bad there's not much (shopping) to do in Thun, but at least it is close to Emmental, hometown to the famous cheese. I will come back another size bigger for sure. Bad news for BB.

While I am getting ready for my 3rd trip in two months, I now have a bit of time to sort through the Sydney photos. Once again, food photos have taken up more than half of the album. And you wonder why I am getting happier (read: fatter) each day.

！！

心血來潮，踏進一家之前從沒去過的髮型屋。就在回家小巴站對面，很方便。

我：唔該我想係咁咦剪短幾寸。
髮型師：但係呢個髮型唔襯你image喎（！），不如我將你D頭髮釋放（！！）出來，有D新鮮感吖？
我：[額角開始冒汗] ...嗯，但係我唔想剪得太短喎，一定要過膊頭，等我紮到馬尾呀。
髮型師：我幫你剪個你一定會滿意嘅頭，放心啦，唔會剪好多嘅唧。

[完事後]

髮型師：睇吓，依家你D頭髮幾釋放（！！！），完全唔同晒！
我：......!

...結果，原本只想“係咁咦”修修髮尾的我，變成短髮妹。十幾年未試過咁短呀陰功！

故事教訓 -- 對住陌生人，要懂得說“不”！

慘爆。

感冒剛好，但咳嗽未清，差不多每兩天便喝完一瓶藥水，但仍未痊愈。唉。

藥水的副作用之一，便是頭暈。於是本來已有耳水不平衡的我，現在每逢坐車（我家住銅鑼灣公司在荃灣喎！）便頭暈作嘔，慘過大肚婆。

（大小事）幾段。

*從法國出差回來後，沮喪不已。學了幾個月的法文，到頭來只懂說“bon jour”跟“merci”。難道我的（少少）語言天分，真的自十四歲後便離我而去了？ 抑或我該怪責我那個沒有耐性/時間把我作育成才的老公？

*幾天復活節假期，行行企企又過了。歡樂的時間總是以光速消逝的。

*今天看報紙，看到有關新西蘭車禍Clara的報道，很難過。我一直很留意這單新聞，因我也曾到新西蘭駕車渡蜜月，有點身同感受，但我不能想象同一時間失去所有至親會有多痛苦。如果失憶能令她的傷痛減少，我希望她可以永遠忘記。

*星期六，我會開始去Hong Kong Dog Rescue做義工。從沒想過，一向愛貓的我，會去一個狗中心幫忙。但我曾經在回家途中，看着同一條路邊，由只有幾頭母狗變成幾頭大狗加一堆小狗，我的心難過極了。 我希望能為流浪狗狗盡一點力。

*伯伯告訴我，今期The Post Magazine有關於北京人吃貓的報道，圖文並茂。我驚到整本Magazine碰都不敢碰。

*昨晚發惡夢，夢見自己返工（那是間陌生的公司，不是現實那家）遲到14分鐘，便馬上被炒掉（還要很高調，被全公司的人看見！）。不是説笑，我的心到現在都撲撲跳，好驚！

*很想問但不敢問 -- 多久才算久？7個月？一年？抑或3年？8年？抑或只要一切“在心中”，時間長短便不再是問題？

From today's Apple Daily.

I cannot agree more.

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陶 傑 短 評 ︰ 拯 救 遺 棄 動 物

柴 灣 青 童 十 惡 ， 虐 殺 小 貓 棍 棒 交 加 ， 十 惡 中 最 年 少 者 ， 是 十 三 歲 女 童 。 在 被 街 上 捕 獲 時 ， 猶 自 嘻 笑 喧 嘩 。 治 亂 世 ， 懲 暴 民 ， 柴 灣 十 惡 ， 都 是 青 少 年 ， 是 董 曾 治 下 長 大 的 一 代 ， 殺 貓 慘 案 ， 四 日 三 宗 ， 因 為 特 區 育 失 敗 ， 親 美 崇 洋 ， 胡 亂 抄 襲 英 美 「 自 由 育 」 ， 尤 禁 止 家 長 師 體 罰 學 童 ， 指 體 罰 會 令 兒 童 「 留 下 心 理 陰 影 」 。 柴 灣 虐 貓 十 惡 ， 即 成 長 在 沒 有 體 罰 的 「 自 由 育 新 世 代 」 。 這 十 大 奸 惡 ， 小 時 就 是 欠 打 ， 方 始 驕 縱 成 魔 。 今 日 無 端 虐 殺 小 貓 ， 明 日 就 是 開 膛 割 腹 的 雨 夜 連 環 殺 手 ， 請 有 心 人 明 查 暗 訪 ， 網 上 公 佈 十 惡 的 照 片 姓 名 ， 令 全 港 市 民 長 期 警 惕 。 今 日 香 港 ， 加 重 對 虐 殺 貓 狗 的 刑 懲 ， 比 甚 麼 立 法 禁 止 體 罰 兒 童 更 重 要 。 元 朗 白 沙 村 ， 有 一 所 保 護 遺 棄 動 物 的 慈 善 之 家 ， 市 民 只 須 每 月 寄 去 少 量 金 錢 ， 即 可 領 養 遺 棄 的 貓 狗 ， 善 款 可 以 扣 稅 ， 比 起 交 稅 養 庸 官 更 有 意 義 ， 查 詢 電 話 二 八 三 八 ○ 六 三 三 ， 為 了 香 港 的 未 來 ， 愛 遺 棄 的 動 物 ， 多 積 陰 德 吧 。